Beyond Empathy
“The premise for empathy has to be equal humanity; it is an injustice to demand that the maligned identify with those who question their humanity.”
-Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
We often think of empathy as the end of our journey to self-discovery. It symbolizes that we understand ourselves and the human condition enough to be able to not only relate, understand, and listen to others - but to have some semblance of the idea of what it is to BE them. At least, that’s what we’re taught. From an early age we are told to think about others in the framework of what it would be like to “walk in their shoes…” and this has misled us to believe that once we’re able to achieve this out-of-body-understanding, we are fully embracing what it means to be human. It means the work is over and we can enhance and rely on empathy to get through any situation in the future. Or so we think…
I’ll be honest, I thought somewhere along these lines as well. I thought “Empathy is like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it’ll become.” This is true to an extent, but it’s a false narrative and doesn’t portray the depth of what is going on internally. It was not empathy that was the last step in building a lasting understanding of human nature, but solidarity. Empathy is merely a bridge to get to that state. Solidarity is more than understanding someone, as it requires you to stand with them. It shows that you do not always have to fully understand someone, and removes the burdens empathy can provide in the idea that people have to be KNOWN in order to be seen, validated, and understood.
For instance, I will never understand what it’s like to be a different race, to be a different gender (as I’m non-binary), or to be in a higher class than the one I’m in (social mobility is hard and I don’t foresee getting out of the class I’m in) but I don’t have to in order to stand with those people. Movements like BLM, fighting for more under the ADA, breaking down toxic masculinity, ensuring the tax system is fixed to be fair, socialized programs, etc., I may not qualify or benefit DIRECTLY from these ideas or movements, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t fight for them with others. I’m not in the demographic that is dealing with some of these issues, I’ll never fully understand them nor will I be willingly ignorant of this fact and pretend to know it all. Due to this, I can’t always have empathy as the end goal, the act of solidarity and showing up for others, is the final step. It is the end of the bridge. Empathy is merely the path to get there.
