On Holidays, Covid, Teaching, & Growing
My family has never been one for holidays.
We’ve never had a grand Christmas, large Thanksgiving, or even celebrated birthdays outside of a small cake and a few small gifts. For some, this is beyond understanding as the holidays are a symbol of what there is to look forward to within a year. A time where one can gather with friends or family and BE together - evading the monotony that has become their daily lives.
For my family, holidays have never made sense. My grandparents were both single children of single children, who themselves bore four children, who in turn, only produced three kids. All of my aunts and uncles are single, and spread out throughout the U.S., my grandparents are dead, and my sibling is gone. It is merely myself, my mother, and our dog - Hazel. And that’s okay. It has not always been that way, and will NOT always be that way - but a common thread is the fact that holidays are ordinary to us across cultures and denominations. I have a great appreciation for Passover, Christmas, Ramadan, and Chinese New Year, but none have held a place within our home. When there is only two people to celebrate, it seems almost nonsensical to make it a big “to-do.”
This is something, going into the peak holiday season this year in America, that I’m grateful for. The pandemic has upended a lot within various aspects of life - I lost my job in March and have stayed home due to my mom’s lung condition, and that has affected more than I anticipated. It’s lead to idle periods, and periods of immense creativity - spurring on this podcast, website, card series, and many conversations on what it means to be human. I am grateful for all of those things, and for the fact that we do NOT celebrate anything - this one aspect of our lives has stayed the same, and it has allowed me to talk with others who are navigating this season in a new way. It’s provided perspective for both my friends, and for me - to see just how important it is for them, and for them to see that it is not the end of the world to only have those traditions for a small number of people. There’s been a transcription of information, and in many ways, it has opened the door for more conversation and connection to happen. In a society that is polarized on a grand scale, it is great to be able to chat and BE human with other humans.
Covid has brought many horrific things, but it has brought a time of gratefulness, awareness, mindfulness, and a change in pace I don’t think would’ve happened without it. It feels as if we are living in an alternate reality, and I’ve morphed with alternate me. In the beginning, this was hard. I didn’t cope in the way I thought I would (mainly due to other external ongoings… It would’ve been a horrendous year without the pandemic or the election) but it lead me to understand my coping mechanisms and to try and fix them. By “fix” I mean to develop better strategies so that I don’t spin out into an emotional puddle at the end of the week. This pandemic shook up my timeline and suddenly the thought of moving became tangible because “What have I left to lose?” It pushed me to LEARN more - to start coding, to learn languages, to read more, and to veer deeper into the human condition.
I am planning on leaving my hometown permanently for the first time starting in Mid-December. I have traveled all over, but this has always been the place I’d return to, and the idea of it not being “my home base” is daunting and exhilarating. I will need to learn a new language over time - not just for communication purposes but to understand the people of where I’m moving TO… I want to discuss mental health and LGBTQ+ issues in the East compared to the West and to find out what people do to cope/learn/struggle throughout the world. This connection, this LEARNING, growing, and teaching is what I’m excited for most. To experience change, stretch, and see what lessons future me will absorb. Similar to the holidays of this year, I hope it’ll bring connection, light, understanding, and an uncomfortable push into a seemingly alternate reality.
